So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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