She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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