i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
