and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize