Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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