dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
