Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
