all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
