I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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