i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
