Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
