Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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