Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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