I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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