im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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