pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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