angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
