I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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