you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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