God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
