dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
