That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
