I can tuck mytits in my pants
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize