i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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