I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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