When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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