you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
