oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
