Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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