i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
