well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
