My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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