Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
