Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
