Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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