oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
