Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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