i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
