just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize