I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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