i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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