i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
