The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
