whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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