Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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