Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize