I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
you made out with another girl for some wings
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
