dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
