i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
