I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
