Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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