you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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