i just wanna soil my oats bro
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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