i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
