So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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