i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize