im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
