went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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