:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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