So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Let's get the cat blown out
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
