I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Randomize
