I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
