I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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