i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize