the new term for farting is butt boxing.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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