He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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