Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Ladies don't puke and tell
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
