I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
