community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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